I had an effing fucked up weekend. Seriously pardon my language but, for me it was a shitty weekend. On Sat morning or afternoon, I woke up and got ready to head for my dental appointment at 2.30pm, before heading out, I asked my sister where did she wanted to go after my dental, seeing as she ask me the night before, saying she want to go out with me, guess what she said, "Huh, I going out with my friend later leh". Like if you going out please inform me, not when its 2 EFFING HOURS before we were supposed to meet to inform me!

Nevermind, after dental I had to help out at my dad stall, cause nobody could look after the stall, except my mom. You can't expect me to throw my mom all alone to look after the stall by herself, also not after my dad like saying, "you trm free anot huh?" translation "I need you to look after the stall" -.-... How can I say no to my parents, you tell me. I end up working there until closing time. While my sister sits and do nothing and text and do bullshit with her phone. Hello you studying, I working, can you like help! Seriously during school days, almost every fucking single day I go and help out at the stall at night till closing, it gives you no excuse not to help out during weekends!

I know I can choose not to help out, but my parent are working hard to earn money so I can study, do and buy whatever I want, but I don't ask for much, I never asked my parents to buy me stuffs, maybe ask them to bring us to eat out as a family, but never have I asked them to get me things that I need. I prefer to use the money that I saved from my allowance, ok maybe those expensive gadgets like my phone and my DSLR are from my parents but other than that I would prefer to use my money to get stuff, like hello a $3-$5 dollar bubble tea? Please lah, that one come out from your pocket nevermind one, no need to go and "claim".

Sometimes because of this I feel guilty for rejecting my parents when they ask, but at the same time, I feel it just waste my time. Like I go there 2-3 hrs do nothing except, collect money from customers who buy merchandise at my dad stall. That 2-3 hours I can do stuff that I want to do, sometimes I ask why my sister can don't feel guilty for not helping out, ok fine you now taking major final exams, but can you not like go out every freaking weekends and help just for one day so I can also have my time to myself!

I'm working 9-6, reach home 7pm, bathe, eat dinner, 8.45pm, I'm out of the house to the stall cause, 1) My dad is still sleeping cause he just reached home at 6pm and have not slept and is very tired, 2) My mom is too busy trying to rush her bills and other work so that, nothing will cock up trm for my dad, 3) cause nobody is going to go down except me and the auntie has ended her shift long long ago. Although, there are time I go to stall at 10pm just to help close up faster so my parents can faster reach home and rest.

I'll be at the stall till 11.30pm reach home 12pm, you tell me where eff! do I have time to do things that needs to be do, where the eff! can I have time to myself! And the whole cycle starts again, work, home, dinner, stall, sleep..........

Now I have to help out during weekends, Sunday was the same, except I had a lovely brunch with my family at Bishan Park's Canopy Garden Dining & Bar. After that its off to the stall -.-.... I literally spend my whole spare time there. I hardly have time to do things.

I know I sound very selfish, and I most probably will regret writing this post later on, I hate myself for feeling this way, if I don't go and help my parents, I feel guilty for not helping knowing that they really needed the help, but at the same time feel so annoyed and angry that I'm ALWAYS the one that helps and all my spare and free time slips away. Sometimes I feel that I'm just under appreciated and taken advantage of cause they would just guilt trip me, intentionally and non-intentionally, I just can help be angry and frustrated. I'm the eldest in the family so naturally most responsibilities rest on me,but sometimes I just feel so insignificant that if I disappear no one would know.

Sorry to those reading this long annoying ranting and self-pity party post, sorry for repeating and repeating the same points over and over, I have too many bottled up issues about this whole thing. I can say that I'm still very pissed, angry and frustrated still even after I ranted. I promise the next post will be better and with more photos!!! (hopefully)